On the beach now. Today's the last day of my holidays before my classes start next week. Am quite disappointed with this leg of the trip in Portugal and Spain. I felt very left out and I'm not sure if it's me or not. Because I'm stubborn? I have to learn community living and that other people have their own priorities. I'm thinking if it's best that I travel alone and do things alone. I don't know how to live and exist together with other people. I spend too much time in the bathroom, washing and dolling up. I have to seriously rethink my priorities in life because spending/ wasting time in the bathroom is not going to get me anywhere in life. Do I want to continue doing my current job? Am I ready to move to another country all by myself and work there and make new friends? Why do I want to always be different and question against by natural self? I'm quiet and an introvert and yet I hope to be more expressive and being understood by people? Why do I feel so unsatisfied when I tell people where I've previously travelled? In this trip I realised that perhaps it is not how many places or where you go; it's how these experiences impacted me and what value-add I've brought to people I came across. Perhaps instead of thinking/ lamenting my past/ future, I should cherish all the more the present. Make use of what I have instead of thinking about what I don't have. I'm not a likeable person but I hope not to be a tripping stone to others. I thought I know a lot about things yet in the end I know nothing. Have I grown stagnant? Then I really should move on. What's my direction and then focus on what's the most important in moving towards that.
